who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
