Do you still have your period?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Is it because I queefed?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
