She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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