How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
