So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Girls should come with a carfax report
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
