I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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