a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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