I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
