Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
