i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
