he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
