Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
