she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
