tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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