....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
