Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
