only if we run a train.
done.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
