Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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