dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
