U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
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