All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Four minutes until I can fart!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I could fuck to npr.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
