So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
