I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
