Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
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