I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
