with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
