It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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