how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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