there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
