No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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