Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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