I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
