You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
