Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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