Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
