if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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