I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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