hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
