Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
