Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
This is the prime rib incident all over again
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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