I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
MIDGETS
????
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
