the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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