Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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