he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
