ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
