The maid of honor just puked.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
