so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
