hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
