How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
