the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
